Oh, yeah, we got this puppy.
This was a good idea.

Elliot looks a little green.

Elliot, do I look like
a beautiful blond with big tits...

and an ass that tastes
like French vanilla ice cream?

What?

Do I look like a beautiful blond
with big tits...

and an ass that tastes like
French vanilla ice cream?

No.

No. Okay, then why are you telling me
all this bullshit, huh?

- What, you wanna fuck me?
- [Dick] Clarence.

- He's sick.
- Let me handle this, all right?

Look. You know what?
Just get it straight.

Lee is not
into taking risks, okay?

He's got a couple of guys.
He's been dealing with them for years.

They're reliable, they're dependable,
and they're safe.

Riddle me this, Batman.

Ifyou're all so much in love with each
other, what the hell are you doing here?

I'm sure you got better things
to do with your time...

than hang around upside down
on a roller coaster all day.

Your guy is interested because with
that much shit at his fingertips,

he could play Joe-fucking-Hollywood
until the wheels come off.

He can sell it.
He can snort it.

He can play Santa Claus with it
as far as I'm concerned.

At the price he's paying, he's gonna be
able to afford to just throw it around.

He's gonna be everybody's
best friend, all right?

I mean, I'm not
putting him down here.

It's his money. Let him do
whatever the hell he wants.

But don't expect me and my friends
to hang around forever,

waiting for you guys
to grow some guts.

[Phone Ringing]

- Yeah, hello?
- Hi, Lee.

Elliot, it's Sunday. Can you tell me
why I'm talking to you on Sunday?

I don't see enough of you all week,
I gotta talk to you on Sunday too?

I'm with that party that you wanted me
to get together with, Lee.

- You know who I'm talking about?
- I don't believe this.

Elliot, why the hell are you
talking to me on my phone about that?

Well, because I'm standing--
I'm standing with the guy,

and he insists
on talking to you.

Are you out
of your fucking mind?

He said that ifl didn't
get you on the phone, he would--

Hello, Lee. It's Clarence.
At last we speak.

First of all, Lee,
I'm a really big fan of yours.

That's why I wanna open
Dr. Zhivago in L.A.

And I need you and your abilities
to distribute it.

Uh, Clarence. Uh--

I don't know, Clarence.
Dr. Zhivago is a pretty big movie.

The biggest movie you've
ever dealt with, Lee.

We're talking
a lot of film here.

A man would have to be an idiot
not to be a little bit cautious
about a movie like that.

And, Lee,
you are no idiot.

No, no. I'm not saying
I'm not interested, Clarence.

Being a distributor is not what I'm all
about. I'm a movie producer, you know?

I am on this earth
to make good movies.

Nothing more and nothing--
well, maybe less sometimes.

Hey!

Choose a fucking lane!

No, not you. Just some idiot--
Don't give me the finger!

I'll fucking
have you killed!

The bottom line is, I am not Paramount.
You know what I'm saying?

I got a select few
distributors I deal with.

I buy their little movies, and I
accomplish what I wanna accomplish...

and get the fuck
out of there.

Very business like, very easy
and very little risk, Clarence.

Lee, we're talking Dr. Zhivago.
This will be packing 'em in
for a year and a half.

Two years. That is two years
you're not gonna have to deal...

with anybody else's
movie but mine.

Nobody's but yours.
Well, what is the rush here?

I just wanna be able
to announce this deal at Cannes.

Ifl had time for a court ship,
Lee, I would. I'd take you out,
hold your hand, kiss your cheek.

But I'm not
in that position.

I need to know right now if you
and I are in bed together or not.

If you want my movie, you're
gonna have to come to terms
with your fear and desire.

Uh-huh. Fear and desire,
huh, Clarence?

Don't you know that my films have
grossed more than 2.8 billion, Clarence?

- Let me talk to Elliot.
Let me talk to Elliot.
- You wanna talk to Elliot?

Elliot, he wants
to talk to you.

- Hi, Lee.
- Elliot, where do you
know this guy from?

He's, uh-- He's a friend
of Dick's, remember?

Who the fuck is Dick?

You-- You-- You want me
to... suck his dick?

- No. Who the fuck is Dick?
- Oh, who the fuck is Dick?

- Yeah.
- Dick is my friend.
He's in my acting class.

- You told him I'm an actor?
- Is he any good? Is he talented?

Really? How does Dick
know this guy?

- Tell him--
- They-- They grew up together.

Okay, uh, Wednesday
at the hotel, 3:00.

Bring the whole
fucking cast, all right?

Elliot, don't call me here anymore,
especially not on Sunday, all right?

- What did he say?
-Just hold on a second.

- Did you tell him--
- Shut up for a second. Hey, you guys.

This is
what's gonna happen.

3:00, Beverly Ambassador.
He wants to see everybody. Okay?

And he'll talk to you.
If after talking to you he likes you,

wants to deal with you,
he'll deal with you.

If he doesn't, he'll say fuck you,
and he'll walk out of the room.

- Did you tell him--
- Shut up for a second.

And he wants a sample bag.

- No problem on all counts.
- Great.

Did you tell him
I was an actor?

- Yes, I told him.
- You told him I was good?

Yeah, I lied.

[TV.Playing]

- Hi.
- How you doing?

- Oh, pretty good.
- You Dick? Dick Ritchie?

No. No, he's
not here right now.

- You live here?
- Yes, I do.

You're sort
of, uh, roommates?

Exactly roommates.

Maybe you can help me.
I'm looking for a friend of mine.

- Sure.
- Clarence Worley from Detroit?

- He's traveling with a real
pretty girl named Alabama?
- Oh, yeah, man, I know 'em.

- They've been by here.
- You've seen 'em?

- Mm-hmm.
- They staying here?

No, they're
staying at the...

Safari Motor-- Motel Inn.

- Safari Motel.
- Safari Motel?

Yeah.

How do you know that?
Have you been over there?

No. They were here,

and they said that they
were going to go there.

Then they went.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. Safari-- Safari Motel.

- Safari Motel.
- Uh-huh.

Hey, you wanna watch some TV?
They might be back here.

- No. No, thank you. Thank you, though.
- Okay.

- You take care. I might be back.
- Yeah.

Good. Be cool.

Don't condescend
to me, man.

I'll fucking kill you, man.

I'm so proud of you.
Did I do my part okay?

- Alabama, you were perfect.
- Like a ninja?

Like a ninja. I'm gonna
go grab us something to eat.

I'm gonna go jump in the tub and get
all wet and slippery and soapy...

and hop in that water bed
and watch X-rated movies...

till you get your ass
back in my lovin' arms.

Hurry back now.

We now return to Bullitt,
already in progress.

¢Ü You give your love ¢Ü

¢Ü So sweetly ¢Ü¢Ü

Hi.

[ Giggles ]
Hi!

Hi.

- Cigarette?
- No.

[ Giggles ]

That's a very
nice outfit.

Oh. This?

I got this
in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Alabama, where's our coke,
and, uh, where's Clarence?

When's he coming back?

I'm sorry. I think
you have the wrong room.

My name is Sadie.

We don't have any Coke, but there's
a Pepsi machine down the hall.

I don't know anybody named Clarence,
but perhaps my husband does.

You can ask him,
'cause he'll be home in a minute.

He plays football.

He's just at practice.

- Give me your hand.
- Okay.

You are unbelievably cute.

Thank you. Thanks.

Let me see those eyes.

What a face.

Do me a favor.
Turn around for me.

Okay.

No, go the other way.

Okay.

¢Ü¢Ü [ Humming ]

- Ooh. That hurts, don't it?
- Uh-huh.

Get on your feet, sweetie.
You ain't hurt that bad.

Now, where's our coke? Where's
Clarence? And when's he coming back?

Okay. Okay.

Fuck you.

Fuck me.

What's the matter,
baby, huh?

Can't breathe?

[ Groaning]

You better get
used to that.

- Mmm. Smells like hamburgers in here.
- Hi.

Tell me, what is the biggest,
fattest hamburger you guys got?

That would be Steve's
double chili cheeseburger.

- Give me two of them bad boys,
two chili fries...
- Uh-huh.

- and, uh, two large Diet Cokes.
- Anything else?

Come here. Look at yourself!
Look! Take a good look!

You think your boyfriend
would go for this shit? If
you do, you're fucking stupid.

You're a very pretty girl, but you ain't
gonna be very pretty for very long.

I'm gonna ask you
a fucking question,

and you give me
the right fucking answer!

Now,

where's my coke?

Turn around. Turn around.

Answer me!

- Come on.
- Mmm--

- You got a lot of heart, kid.
- [ Laughing ]

[ Clarence ]
Now, that is a great issue.

You gotten
to the story on Elvis yet?

No, I hadn't.

That is probably the single best piece
I have ever read on Elvis Presley...

in my entire life.

Look. It tries to pin down what the
attraction is after all these years.

It covers
the whole spectrum.

Talks to the fans, people who grew up
with him, people who love his music.

Then there's
the fanatics. Right?

I don't know about you,
but they give me the creeps.

- Yeah, yeah, I see what you mean.
- I mean, look at her.

It looks like she fell off the ugly tree
and hit every branch on the way down.

[ Coughing ]

Now, the first time you kill somebody,
that's the hardest.

I don't give a shit if you're fucking
wired up or Jack the Ripper.

Remember that guy in Texas?
The guy in that fucking tower,
killed all them people?

I bet you green money, that first
little black dot he took a bead on,

that was the bitch
of the bunch.

First one is tough.
No fucking fooling.

The second one ain't
no fucking Mardi Gras either,

but it's better than the first,
'cause you still feel the
same thing, except it's diluted.

You know,
it's-- it's better.

I threw up on the first one.
You believe that?

- [ Groans ]
- Then the third one--

The third one is easy.
You level right off..

That's no problem. Now--

Shit.

Now I do it just to watch their
fucking expression change.

I don't fucking
believe it.

Did you put it
under the bed?

Uh-huh.
[ Laughing ]

I can't believe it.
You put it under the fucking bed.

I didn't look
under the fucking bed.

I can't believe you put it
under the fuckin' bed,

and I can't believe I didn't
look under the fuckin' bed.

I'm gettin' fuckin' old.

[ Cackles ]
Journey's end, baby.

Snowat the end
of the rainbow.

[ Groans ]

One less thing I gotta
fuckin' worry about.

[ Coughing ]

This is it, baby.

Moment of truth.

[ Cocks Gun ]

[ Breathing Heavily]

[ Chuckles ]

You got a lot of heart, kid.
You know that?

[ Whimpering ]

Wanna play?

Hmm?
Is that what you want?

- [ Grunts ]
- You wanna play with Daddy?

Come on. Come on. I'll give you
one shot 'cause I like you.

Stick it in me, baby.
Come on. Stick it in Daddy.

Stick it in me.
Go ahead.

- Come on! Come on! Come on!
- [ Screaming ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Groaning ]
Motherfucker!

- All right. No more
Mr. Fuckin' Nice Guy.
- Oh, God.

[ Screaming ]

What do you think of that, baby?
[ Cackles ]

- What do you think about that?
What do you think about that?
- Wait! Wait!

- What?
- [ Laughing ]

-Hey, what the fuck are you laughing at?
-You look ridiculous!

[Laughing Continues ]

Come here! I look fuckin' ridiculous?
Get up! Laugh it up!

Come on, laugh it up! You were in
hysterics a minute ago! Laugh!

- You like that, don't you?
- Fuckyou!

Shit! Fuck!

[Shouting]

- [ Screaming ]
- [ Groans ]

- [ Screaming ]
- [ Screaming ]

[ Shouting ]

[ Sobbing ]

[ Screaming ]

Fuck! Come on. We gotta go.
Baby, we gotta go.

- [ Screams ]
-Jesus Christ!

Come on, darlin'. We gotta
get the fuck out of here.

- [ Sobbing ]
- Come on. Shh!

Come on. The cops are gonna
be here any fuckin' second.

Fuck!

Fuck! Come on.

Fuck. Come on.
I'm sorry.

[Horn Honking]

Fuck! Fuck!

I'm sorry. Oh, fuck!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- [ Horn Honking ]
- Get the fuck out of the way!

¢Ü Those eyes, those thighs
They're part¢Ü

¢Ü¢Ü [ Continues, Indistinct ]

- [Siren Wailing]
- Oh, fuck!

- Fuck!
- [ Screams ] What?

I don't fuckin' believe this!
Goddamn it! I fucking knew it!

[ Siren Continues ]

I should have my goddamn head
examined for driving like this.

Look, Carla--
Kandi, you've gotta help me.

- What can I do?
- Take this. Hold this.

-What, are you high? No.
-Fucking put this in your purse.

- I'm not gonna put
that shit in my purse.
- He's not gonna search you.

You didn't do anything.
Just put it in your bra.

- I'm not wearing one.
- Please! He's almost here!
Just put it in your pants!

- No.
- You are the one
that wanted to drive fast.

Read my lips. No!

- After all I did for you,
you fucking whore.
- Asshole.

Who the fuck do you think you're--
[ Laughing Hysterically]

[Laughing Continues ]

- [Police Radio Chatter]
- Hi.

Look, dick-head, it's your bad luck
that we caught you speeding,

and it's your bad luck that you
had a bag of uncut cocaine.

- Not a tiny little vial.
- A fuckin' baggy.

Hey, you got caught. It's all fun
and fuckin' games till you get caught.

But now we got you, okay,
Mr. Elliot Fuckin' Actor.
You just made the big time.

- You're no longer an extra.
- Or a bit player.

- Or a supporting actor.
- You're a fuckin' star.

You're a fucking star, and you're gonna
be playing your one-man show nightly...

for the next two fuckin' years
for a captive audience!

Listen to this. You get out in
a few years, meet some old lady,

you'll get married, and you'll be so
understanding to your wife's needs...

because you'll know what
it feels like to be a woman.

You'll only want to fuck her
in the ass because that pussy
won't be tight enough anymore.

Goodpoint, Detective.
Right? Fuckin' faggot.

Krinkle, this is it.
We got it, and it's all ours.

- You talk about fallin' into something.
- We got it.

Will both you idiots shut up?
I can't understand shit.

What happened?
What areyou talking about?

Okay. A patrol car pulls
a guy over for speedin', right?
Suspect's covered with coke.

They bring the suspect to me and
Nicholson, and we go to work on him.

- "Nicholson and I."
- What's the fuckin' difference?

So we go to work on the guy, and we
knowsomething's rotten in Denmark,

'cause this guy's fuckin'
stupid, and he's got a big bag
of coke and it's uncut.

Andyou ain't gonna fuckin'
believe what he's got to say.

Seems a cop from some department--
we don't know which one--

stole a half a million dollars
of coke from the property cage.

Had been sittin' on the shit
for a year and a half.

- The cops got this weir do
who's a front for him.
- Suspect's words.

Our guy, Elliot Blitzer, he's making
a deal between them and his boss,

a big-time fuckin' movie producer
named Lee Donowitz.

He did the movie
Coming Home in a Body Bag.

- A Vietnam movie? Good fuckin' movie.
- Yeah.

- Fuckin' "A."
- Great fuckin' movie.

- So, you believe him?
- I believe he believes him.

This guy's too fuckin' rattled
to be lyin'. He'd roll over...

on his mommy, daddy, two-pantied granny
and the King of Siam
if he had anything on them.

This guy was a sissy. This rabbit
will do anything not to do any time.

You know what he'll do?
He'll wear a wire.

- He'll wear a wire?
- He'll wear a wire. We talked to him.

Dirty cops. We gotta get
Internal Affairs on this.

I don't give a shit who you
bring in. You can bring in
the militia, L.A. Thunderbirds,

the ghost of Steve fuckin' McQueen,
ten fuckin' Roman gladiators.

I don't give ashit as long as me
and Toddget credit for the bust.

Listen, we found him.
We just want the fuckin' collar.

That's it.
End of story.

- You got it.
- Fuckin' "A."

- Have I ever told you
how much I hate airports?
- Mm-mmm.

- See, I used to live by one
back in Dearborn.
- Uh-huh.

Really frustrating living next to
an airport when you ain't got shit.

[ Groans ]

All day long I'm seeing
and hearing people...

doing exactly what I wanna
be doing but couldn't.

What?

- Starting new lives, leaving Detroit.
- [ Chuckles ]

Vacations,
business trips.

- Fun, fun, fun.
- [ Groans ]

- You all right?
- Mm-hmm.

You and me, we can jump on any
one of those planes out there
and go anywhere we want.

It gives me a whole new outlook.
Love airports now.

Yeah, you ain't kiddin'.
We got our lives to start over.

We should go somewhere where we
can really start from scratch.

- I've been in America all my life.
- [ Chuckles ]

I've always wanted to see what TV
in other countries looks like.

Where do you think we should go,
my little turtle dove?

Cancun.

Cancun?
Why Cancun?

It's got a nice ring to it.
It sounds like a movie.

Clarence and Alabama Go to Cancun.
Don't you think?

In my movie, darling,
you get top billing.

Don't you worry
about nothin', all right?

It's all gonna work out
for us.

We deserve it.

Floyd, you're sure that's how you
get to the Beverly Ambassador?

Yeah, man,
I'm positive.

- Yeah, well, if we get lost,
that's your ass.
- Clarence--

- Why don't you get out of my beer
and get a fuckin' job?
- Yeah, okay.

- Can we go?
- We're out the door.

I gotta meet Elliot in the lobby.
I don't want to be late.

I just want to make sure
we got everything. Let's go.

[ Chattering, Chuckling ]

- Yes?
- I'm out. I'm out, Floyd.

- Are you here? No, he's not here.
- I'm out.

- Wait, wait. Let me get this.
- Come on!

- Okay, I-- Fuck!
- Hello?

Hi, Catherine.
I was just walkin' out--

- What?
- Do you know what time it is?

Serious?
She said that?

What'd she say?
Come on.

- Yo, Catherine, thank you. Thank you.
- Ask him what time it is.

- You got the time?
- I'm gonna talk to you tomorrow.

- Hey, man, can you get me some food?
- All right.

Come on. We gotta go.
Come on.

I got the part.

- Wow!
- I got the part!

- That's great, man.
- That's great. That's wonderful.

They didn't even
want a callback.

I can't believe it.
That's great.

That's so cool.
Way to go.

- I got a 7:00 call.
- That's great.

Come on, let's go. I want to hear all
about it in the car, okay? Come on.

- Hey, Clarence.
- What?

Nothin'.

- Forget it.
- All right. Come on.

[Alabama ]
Come on!

Hey, get some--
get some beer...

- and some--
- [Door Closes ]

and some cleaning products.

[ Man On TV]
His legacy lives on.

[Man On TV.]
That was Bob Henderson with a touchdown.

[ Continues, Indistinct ]

I'm losin' a fuckin' fortune
over here.

- [ Speaking Italian ]
- [ Chuckling ]

[ Italian Continues ]

You talkin' to me,
you fuckin' wop, you?

- [ Both Speaking Italian ]
- Fuckin'--

[TV. Continues ]

- [ Groaning ]
- [Nicholson ] You're okay.

- [ Dimes ] Put your jacket on.
- Put your jacket on.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

Put your jacket on.
One sleeve at a time.

- It's a big game now, Elliot.
- [ Exhales Forcefully]

- It's okay. Come on. You all right?
- No.

[ Chuckling ]
Elliot, look at me.

Look at me.
You comfortable?

Am I comfortable?
I've got a,

Iike, you know,
brick in... my scrotum.

That's the best place for it.
If they pat you down, they' re
not gonna search your balls.

- Okay. You think they might
see this, perhaps?
- No, it's okay.

- When you stand up,
it'll be okay. Elliot.
- Okay. Yeah.

- Elliot, say something.
- [ Exhales Forcefully]

-Just--
- Okay. Hi. How are you?

My name's Elliot, and I'm with
the Cub Scouts ofAmerica.

We'reselling uncut cocaine
to get to the jamboree.

- [Dimes ]Just talk regular.
- Stop fuckin' around.

-I can't believe I'm doing this.
-You get that shit?

We're gonna be right down the hall,
monitoring you the whole time.

What happens if somebody
does something you can't hear,

Iike pulls out a gun
and puts it to my fucking eye?

We've done this
a thousand times.

We know what we're doing,
okay? We're the best.

Now, listen.
No fuckin' around.

Anything happens, we'll be in there
like fuckin' gangbusters.

You gotta remember something.
You don't wanna go to jail.
Do you wanna go to jail?

No, I don't wanna
go to jail.

Sowhat do we gotta do?
We gotta put your boss in jail, okay?

[Dimes]And to do that,
we've got to show in court,

beyond a reasonable doubt,
that this man,

a very respectable man in the Hollywood
community, is also dealing cocaine.

-We've got to prove it in court,
and you've gotta do it.
-That's what we're doing here.

You're gonna be okay.
You're not gonna get hurt.

So what you've gotta do--
you've gotta get him to admit...

- on tape, all right?
- Uh-huh.

That he's buyin' this coke.
Okay, champ?

- Get a hold of yourself. You'll be okay.
- Okay.

I'm gonna
get some coffee.

You really got that
playin' basketball?

Yep, I got elbowed
right in the eye.

Then, as it that's not enough,
I got hurled the ball right
when I'm not lookin'. Wham!

- Right in my face.
- You should be careful.

- [ Both Chuckling ]
- I should.

Clarence, what the fuck
did you bring that for?

- In case.
- In case of what?

I don't know.
What the hell do you want me to say?

Look, Clarence,
Lee Donowitz is not a pimp.

I know that. But one thing
this last week has taught me,

it's better to have a gun and not need
it than to need a gun and not have it.

Paging Mr. Sherek.

- Sherek.
- He's over at the bar.

There he is.

[ Exhaling ]

Elliot, your motivation
is to stay out of jail.

- Easy, easy, easy.
- Hey.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I guess it's about
that time, huh?

Yeah.

Here we go.

[Elevator Bell Dings ]

[ Sighs ]

You're an actor.
Act, motherfucker.

- Elliot?
- Yeah?

- Get on your knees.
- Oh, no.

- What?
- I said, get on your fuckin' knees!

Shut the fuck up!
I know what the fuck I'm doin'.

- You think I'm pretty
fuckin' stupid, don't you?
- No.

Don't you fuckin' lie to me,
you motherfucker!

He's bluffing you, Elliot!
Can't you see that?

I want to hear you say,
"Clarence, you are--"

Shut up! Say it, goddamn it!
I wanna hear you say it!

"Clarence, you are without a doubt, the
dumbest motherfucker I've ever seen!"

- Say it!
- Dumb fucker!

-Apparently, I'm not as dumb-- Shut up!
-He didn't do nothin'!

Apparently, I'm not as dumb as
you fuckin' think I am, am I?

- No.
- What the fuck
is waiting for us up there?

- What the fuck's waiting for us?
- He's gonna shoot him.

Tell me, or I'm gonna pump two
in your face right here.

- He's not gonna shoot him.
- [ Shouts ]

- Motherfuck--
- He's gonna shoot him.

Like Nick Curry used to say,
if I'm wrong, I swear to God
I'll fucking apologize!

Something's amiss. I can feel it. If
anything out of the ordinary goes down,

you are gonna be
the first one shot.

-He didn't do anything! What the fuck--
-Shut up!

I'm gonna blow this motherfucker away.
Fuck you!

[ Screams ] I wish somebody
would just come and get me,

because I don't
like this anymore!

Get a hold of yourself,
you fuckin' sissy!

I really wish somebody would just come
and take me away! Just take me away!

Hang in there, will you?
Goddamn it!

I can't take this! I'm sorry,
but I just can't! I wish somebody...

would just come to my rescue,
and everything would be all right!

Elliot? Elliot?

- What?
- I'm sorry, all right?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Friends?

- I'm sorry.
- [ Sobbing ]

- What's with this guy?
- [Elliot] Quit playing around.

[ Clarence ] I wasn't playing around.
Ijust had to be sure.

- That's all. I'm sure now, okay?
- [ Muttering ]

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to scare you.

[ Laughing ]
Oh, man!

I like this Clarence kid.
This fuckin' guy's crazy.

¢Ü¢Ü[Hard Rock ]

- [Knock At Door]
- [ Coughing ]

Yeah.

- Aw!
- ¢Ü I got up feelin' so down¢Ü

- [ Laughs ] Oh, man.
- ¢Ü I got off bein' sold out¢Ü

- Are you Dick Ritchie?
- Uh, no.

- ¢Ü But the story's getting old now ¢Ü
- Do you know a Clarence Worley?

- Yes.
- Do you know where we can find him?

- Yes, I do. Oh.
- ¢Ü Ijust looked in the mirror ¢Ü¢Ü

Well, where?

- At the Beverly Ambassador.
- ¢Ü¢Ü [ Continues, Indistinct ]

- Where's that?
- Well,

you go--

No. Yeah.
Go down-- Go down Beach--

You guys want to
smoke a bowl or--

Oh. Go down Beachwood
and drive a while,

and then you're
gonna turn right, okay?

And then you go, and you keep drivin',
and you keep drivin'.

[ Knocking ]

- Hello, Elliot.
- Monty.

Are these your friends?

Yeah. Yeah.

You could say that.
Everybody, this is Monty.

Hi. Come on in. Lee's in the can.
He'll be out in a quick.

Holyshit. Look at this.
Do you believe this?

- It's a helicopter.
- Sorry. Nothing personal.

- Clarence.
- [ Chuckles ]

There ain't gonna be a need
to search me. All you're
gonna find is this right here.

What compelled you
to bring that along?

I guess the same thing
that compelled you guys...

to bring heavy artillery
to a business meeting.

- I'll take that.
- Well, you're gonna have to.

Oh, hi.

Everybody's here.
Elliot, who's who?

[ Clears Throat ]
Uh--

Uh, that's Dick
on the end there.

Oh, that's Dick!
Elliot tells me you're quite gifted.

And, uh, Alabama
in the middle.

- Hello.
- Clarence on the end.

- Lee, this guy is--
- Boris, please.
I 'm meeting people right now.

- Mr. Donowitz?
- Come on, Clarence.
Don't insult me. Call me Lee.

- Lee?
- Boris, shut the fuck up.

Come on, everybody.
Don't be shy. Come on in.

Okay, uh, Lee.

- Lee.
- Lee.

- That's right, Lee.
- I gotta tell you,
I really am a big fan.

Coming Home in a Body Bag
is my favorite movie of all time.

After Apocalypse Now, I think that
is the best Vietnam movie ever made.

- Wow. Thank you very much, Clarence.
- Lee.

- What?
- This guy's packin'.

Really?

Well, I've been pretty scared
about this whole thing.

But I'm fairly confident
you're just here to do business.
I don't want to be a wise guy.

If you want, I'll take my gun out,
lay it on the table.

It's up to you.

Mm, no, I don't think that's necessary.
Boris, be nice.

Make everybody
some coffee, okay?

- It's a pleasure to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.

Honey, sit down.
Relax. Relax.

- Elliot, you look like shit.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I mean,
it's completely disgusting.

Um, I need to get a quick signature.
It would be great--

- Whatever Bonnie wants.
- Okay.

- [Lee ] Like my dailies there, Clar?
- [ Chuckles ]

- Is that what these are?
Yeah, they're great.
- You like 'em?

Better fuckin' be great.
They cost me enough.

- What'd that day cost me?
- $3 57,000.

Elliot, I swear to God,
somebody is stealing from me.

[ Clarence ]
What's this one calledanyway?

- It's a sequel to Body Bag.
- Really?

We don't have a title yet.
What does Joe like?

Uh, Body Bags II.

Ooh, that's imaginative.
I've got more taste in my penis.

This guy's really
fuckin' funny.

You know, most of these movies that win
a lot of Oscars, I can't stand them.

They're all safe, geriatric
coffee-table dogshit.

We park our cars in the same garage.
It's all right.

All those assholes make are unwatchable
movies from unreadable books.

Mad Max, that's a movie. The Good,
the Badand the Ugly, that's a movie.

Rio Bravo, that's a movie.
And Coming Home in a Body Bag,
that was a fuckin' movie.

It was the only movie up to that time
that won a lot of Oscars with balls.

- I mean, since Deer Hunter.
- I don't believe you.

Do you like a little coffee
with your sugar, orwhat?

Lee, I'm not satisfied till
the spoon stands straight up.

[ Laughing ]
Give me a coffee, will you?

My Uncle Roger and UncleJerry,
both of whom were in 'Nam,
saw Coming Home in a Body Bag.

They said to me, Clarence,
that is the most accurate
Vietnam film they'd ever seen.

When veterans in that bullshit war
say that about my project,

it makes the whole thing
worthwhile.

Here's to you.

My friend-- I'm calling you my friend.
I just met you. You know why?

I think 'cause we got
the same interests.

You know what I'd like to do right now?
I'd like to see Dr. Zhivago.

- [ Chuckles ]
- Where is it?

Is there a fucking doctor
in the house, or what?

Hang on a second. Lee, when you
see this, you are gonna shit.

- [ Lee ] I better.
- Bingo.

- What's the guy's name?
- Donowitz.

¢Ü When somebodyloves you¢Ü

¢Ü It's no good
unless you love them ¢Ü

Uh, Lee, that is all
practically uncut.

If you so desire, you can cut that
a hell of a lot more.

Don't worry. I'll desire. Boris,
get me another cup of coffee, will you?

- Me too, Boris.
- I have to hand it to you,
this is not nose garbage.

It's quality stuff..

Perfect merchandise.

The only trouble is,
whenever I'm offered a deal
that's too good to be true,

it's because it's a lie.

- [Man ]Jesus, what's going on?
- [ Gun Cocks ]

¢Ü¢Ü [ Continues, Indistinct ]

- Why don't you convince me
you're on the level?
- Convince him.

If he don't bite,
we ain't got shit except possession.

Boris, we got all kinds of sandwich shit
back there. Make something for somebody.

We got lean pastrami, nice rye.
Anybody want anything?

- You got any aspirin?
- Yeah, sure. Get him that.

Well, uh, Lee,
it's like this.

You're getting the bargain of
a lifetime because I don't know
what the fuck I'm doing.

You're usedto dealing with
professionals, and I'm not.
I'm a rank amateur.

What the fuck's goin' on?
What the fuck's goin' on?

I can take that and sell it a little bit
at a time. Make a lot more money.

- What's going on, Joe?
- Elliot's too far away.

- This is the whole ball game.
The game is set!
- He's too far away!

I 'm not a drug dealer.
I 'm not saying you're a drug dealer.

But you're a movie producer.
You got access to all kinds
of money and shit like that.

- [ Static Continues ]
- [Man ]Shit!

- Joe, you are fuckin' killing me. Joe--
- Wait, wait. Wait. Shh!

I cannot get a million
for it, but you can.

All right?
So I'll sell it to you for 200,000.

You go make a million
with it.

Shit, it's all found money
to me anyway, you know?

- [ Clarence, Indistinct ]
- There he is.

- [ Exhales ]
- Shh!

[ Chuckles ]
Me and my wife, we're minimum-wage kids.

$200,000,
that means the world to us.

Elliot tells me that you're
fronting for a dirty cop.

Uh, Elliot wasn't supposed
to tell you anything.

He's not a dirty cop.
He's a good cop.

He saw his chance,
and he took it, that's all.

Why does he trust you?

Well, we grew up together,
that's why.

Clarence,
if you don't know shit,

then why does he think
that you can sell it?

[ Chuckles ]
I bullshitted him.

[ Laughing ]

You are nuts!

He's a wild man, this kid Clarence.
I like him.

- You're wild! I love you!
I love this guy.
- Hey, Lee.

He bullshitted him.
You believe this kid? I love him.

Elliot, I love this kid.
Monty, get the money.

That's it, fellas.
Let's get these sons of bitches.

- [ Sniffs, Clears Throat ]
- [Lee ] Now, wait, wait.

I forgot. Excuse me.
What is your part in this again?

- I'm his wife.
- Oh, you're the wife! Right.

Clarence, what, did you
beat her or something?

No, no. She got that
playing basketball.

- What's the matter with you?
- I'm sorry.

- Why are you here?
- I'm an actor.

Dick, if you were just a fuckin' actor,
you never would've got in the room.

I'm-- I'm friends
with Elliot.

He's your friend?
You got problems.

All right, all right.
It's all right. And Elliot knows me.

- Elliot, here. Call Joe.
- Sorry.

Tell that cocksucker
the production manager reports...

that he's taking 30 cents of every
dollar and putting it in his own pocket.

[Dialing]

Don't you want
to count your money?

No, that's all right. She can count it.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Give it to her.

¢ÜWell, since my baby left me ¢Ü

¢Ü I found a new place to dwell ¢Ü

¢Ü It's down at the end
of Lonely Street ¢Ü

¢ÜThe Heartbreak Hotel ¢Ü¢Ü

- I gotta hand it to you, Clarence.
- I was cool?

Man, you were cooler than cool.

Oh, my God.
I forgot my fuckin' vest.

- Stupid.
- Cody, on three.

- Yeah. [ Exhaling ]
- One, two, three.

- [ Crashing]
- [Shouting Orders ]

[ Shouting Continues ]

Both ofyou, put the fucking guns
on the floor now!

Fuck you! All you pigs, put your guns
on the floor and back away.

- Are you fucking nuts?
Just do what they say.
- This is your last chance!

Fuckyou! This is your last chance! We
could kill all of you and you know it!

-Get down on the fucking floor!
-Boris, shut the fuck up.

- We're all gonna die here.
These are cops.
- So? Who gives a shit?

Something I never told you about me.
I hate fucking cops!

Let's be nice, guys. Come on.
Let's be nice. We don't want to die.

We don't want
any of you guys to die.

You look like a blond Frankenstein.
Now put your gun down!

- 2 1 1?
- Yeah, 2 1 1.

There you go, Mad Dog.

- Holy shit. Motherfucker.
- What the fuck is goin'on?

- Who are these guys? Put 'em down!
- Put your fuckin' guns down!

Put 'em down, motherfucker!
Put 'em down!

Fuck you!

- [Shouting Continues ]
- Put those fuckin'guns down!

How you really think
I'm doin' with Lee, huh?

- You kidding? He loves you.
- You don't think I'm kissing
his ass or anything, do you?

You're telling him what he wants
to hear. That ain't the same
thing as kissing his ass.

Yeah, I mean, I saw Coming Home
in a BodyBag. I loved it.
I'm not lyin' to the guy.

No. That's why
it ain't ass-kissin'.

What you're doin' is genuine,
and he knows it.

I like you, Clarence.

- Always have. Always will.
- [ Snaps Fingers ]

[ Shouting Continues ]

Put 'em down!
Put 'em down, motherfuckers!

Officer Dimes.
Officer Dimes.

[Nicholson ] Put 'em down,
motherfucker! Put 'em down!

- Officer Dimes?
- What?

- Officer Dimes? Officer Dimes?
- What?

Um, this has nothing to do
with me anymore, right?

Okay?
So I'm just gonna leave,

and you guys just settle this
by yourselves, all right?

Just shut up and stay
the fuck put, Elliot.

How do you know his name?

Why the fuck did he
knowyour name?

You little piece of shit!

You can forget about acting for the next
20 years! Your fuckin' career is over!

Take you fuckin' SAG card
and burn it!

You little cocksucker!

I treated you like a son,
and you fuckin' stab me in the heart!

- Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
- [ Screams ]

Mother--
Watch it, motherfucker!

[Men Shouting]

Cody!

[ Screaming ]

Son of a--

[ Shouting ]

Clarence!

[ Screaming ]

[ Groaning ]

[Screaming Continues, Sobbing]

[ Shouting ]

Sweetie! Sweetie!
[ Sobbing ]

Baby!

Okay, you with the shotgun
behind the couch, come out!

Guy's a wop.

I said come out from behind the couch,
you fuckin' guinea, now!

[ Italian ]

I said-a come out from-a
behind the couch-o, okay? Capisce?

- [Speaking Italian ]
- [Sirens Wailing, Distant ]

- Nice and slow.
- [ Italian ]

Shit!
The guy hit me.

Son of a bitch shot me.

Sweetie!
[ Sobbing Continues ]

- Don't you die on me!
- [Sirens Approaching]

You're gonna be okay.

[Boris ]
I need an ambulance!

I need an ambulance!

- [Alarm Blaring]
- Fuckyou!

- No! No!
- I'll blow this bitch's brains
to kingdom come!

[ Coughing ]

I need an ambulance!

Shut up!

Fuck you!
I'm bleeding!

I'll call you a hearse.

- [ Cocks Gun ]
- This is for Cody.

Fuck you!

Honey, you're alive!
[ Laughing ]

Honey!

I can't see.

[ Laughing Continues ]

Honey, you have blood
in your eye.

Come on.

All right. Okay.

- [ Screaming ]
- Fuckyou!

I want a car to take me to the airport
and a plane full of gas!

[Screaming Continues ]

And a million bucks!
Small bills! And--

[Police Radio Chatter]

Get outta my face,
motherfucker!

- [Sirens Continue ]
- [ Gunfire Continues ]

[ Men Shouting ]

[Alabama Narrating]
Amid the chaos of that day,

when all I could hear
was the thunder of gunshots...

and all I could smell
was the violence in the air,

I look back and am amazed...

that my thoughts
were so clear and true--

that three words went through
my mind endlessly,

repeating themselves
like a broken record.

"You're so cool.
You're so cool.

You're so cool. "

And sometimes Clarence asks me
what I would have done if he had died,

if that bullet had been
two inches more to the left.

To this, I always smile...

as ifI'm not going
to satisfy him with a response.

But I always do.

I tell him of how
I would want to die,

but that the anguish
and the want of death would fade
like the stars at dawn...

and that things would be
much as they are now, perhaps.

Except maybe I wouldn 't have
named our son...

Elvis.

¢Ü No stars in the sky ¢Ü

¢Ü The night seems so dark
around you ¢Ü

¢Ü You won 't say a word¢Ü

¢Ü And wonder why
no one 's found you ¢Ü

¢Ü Waiting for love ¢Ü

¢Ü Praying for love again ¢Ü

¢Ü Love 's a heavy weight ¢Ü

¢Ü Give it to me
Don't hesitate ¢Ü

¢Ü Love's a heavy thing ¢Ü

¢Ü Too heavy for one heart ¢Ü

¢Ü To bring me your love ¢Ü

¢Ü Give me your love again ¢Ü

¢Ü It's not your fault ¢Ü

¢Ü One heart can never win ¢Ü

¢Ü It takes two hearts ¢Ü

¢Ü Two hearts
just to hold love ¢Ü

¢Ü Two hearts ¢Ü

¢Ü Two hearts
just to hold your love ¢Ü

¢Ü Your love ¢Ü

¢Ü And if your heart
should ache ¢Ü

¢Ü Remember me ¢Ü

¢Ü And if your heart
should break ¢Ü

¢Ü Two hearts ¢Ü

¢Ü Two hearts
They can mend it ¢Ü

¢Ü Heartache ¢Ü

¢Ü Heartaches can be mended
by love ¢Ü

¢Ü By love ¢Ü

¢Ü Love's a heavy weight ¢Ü

¢Ü Give it to me
Don't hesitate ¢Ü

¢Ü Love's a heavy thing ¢Ü

¢Ü Too heavy for one heart ¢Ü

¢Ü To bring me your love ¢Ü

¢Ü Give me your love again ¢Ü

¢Ü It's not too late ¢Ü

¢Ü One heart can never win ¢Ü

¢Ü It takes two hearts ¢Ü

¢Ü Two hearts
just to hold love ¢Ü

¢Ü Two hearts ¢Ü

¢Ü Two hearts
just to hold your love ¢Ü

¢Ü Your love ¢Ü¢Ü

¢Ü¢Ü [ Ends ]

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